• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Wealth Pilgrim

No Money Worries. No Matter What.

Neal Frankle featured in
  • Home
  • Life Insurance
  • Investing
    • Build Strong Investment Building Blocks To Avoid Going Broke In Retirement
    • Systematic Mutual Fund and ETF Investing
    • Stock Market Investing Guide
    • Choosing the Right Investment Brokerage Guide
    • How Bonds Work Guide
    • How Banks Really Work Guide
    • Annuities – What You Need To Know Before You Invest
    • A Beginners Guide To Buying Individual Stocks
    • Create A Pool Of Great Mutual Funds and ETFs To Pick From To Secure Your Retirement
    • ETF and Index Fund Investment Guide
  • Earn More
  • Banking
  • Retirement Planning
    • Retirement Guide
  • Ask Neal a Question
  • Reviews
    • Upgrade Personal Loans Review
    • Lending Club Review
    • Prosper Review
    • Ally Invest TradeKing Review
    • CIT Bank Review
    • LegalZoom Review
    • Lexington Law Review
    • Airbnb Host Review
    • Should You Drive For Uber?
  • Tax
  • Courses
    • Raise Your Credit Score So You Can Buy a House – Free Video Course

Couples Fighting about Money. Is It Your Fault?

by Neal Frankle, CFP ®, The article represents the author's opinion. This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our disclosure for more info.

If you fight about money, how do you know who is to blame? And how do you know who needs to get their act together?

Earlier this week, I asked your advice for a couple that had different views on frugality and couldn’t stop fighting about money. Jim was making Deb’s life unbearable because of his tightwad ways, and I asked what you thought Deb should do about it. You provided fantastic ideas. A few folks suggested that Deb get a job. Others suggested therapy for Jim. Still others suggested they use a budget to solve their problems.

All good ideas.

But after I read your replies, I stopped to think. Certain cases are pretty obvious (Jim and Deb’s is one example). But it’s not always so clear-cut. When it comes to this issue, who’s to say when one person’s behavior is over the edge? If you live with this dilemma, how do you know it’s your partner’s fault for being too frugal? Maybe it’s your fault for not being frugal enough?

Or maybe it’s nobody’s fault. Maybe you just have different values. If so, can the relationship survive? So this is my question to you:

Is there an objective way to know when your partner’s frugality is just plain irrational?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

 

Tweet
Pin
Share

Reader Interactions

User Generated Content (UGC) Disclosure: Please note that the opinions of the commenters are not necessarily the opinions of this site.

Comments

  1. Pam McCormick says

    December 22, 2009 at 8:58 AM

    I was wondering about advice for couples who earn very differently? I earn a large amount more than my husband and he benefits tremendously from it.We do differ on our money views any ideas?

    Reply
  2. Neal says

    September 24, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    Chris,

    I think for most people, you are right. But I’ve seen many people with incomes that far out-pace their spending…yet one partner remains ultra-frugal.

    How do you get this person to agree on a budget?

    My experience tells me they are in fear and it’s irrational fear.

    Reply
  3. Chris says

    September 24, 2009 at 1:53 PM

    I wrote yesterday on my blog about how couples should argue about spending differences. Most relationship experts agree that a rational argument is good for a marriage, and it’s certainly better than letting emotions fester.

    As to your question, I don’t think frugality can be irrational, unless you have an enormous income stream, or your savings goal is itself irrational.

    When two people have different views on spending, I think it’s important to (a) have a budget that allows for some (but not too much) spending, and (b) identify what situations lead to emotional/excess spending, and try to avoid those.

    Reply
  4. MoneyNing says

    September 24, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    When it comes to two people, it’s not a matter of “who’s fault it is”. It’s just a tug-of-war of what each party can tolerate. So, the responsibility lies on both of them to just work it out without thinking about who’s fault it really is.

    Reply
  5. Neal says

    September 24, 2009 at 11:15 AM

    So, if she isn’t working outside the house, he should put $ into an account for her each month and then butt out…..not a bad idea at all.

    Reply
  6. Susan D. says

    September 24, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    If a couple is fighting over money it means they have differing opinions as spending. They need to have separate bank accounts. 1 for him 1 for her and one to pay the bills. done…

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Are You Human? * Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.

Primary Sidebar

Who is Neal Frankle

Neal Frankle

I'm a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional with more than 25 years of experience. I feel very blessed and hope to share my personal financial experience and professional wisdom with readers of WealthPilgrim.
Read More »

Stay Connected

Facebook Twitter YouTube RSS

More Categories

Career Development
College Funding
Credit Cards
Credit Score Fixes
Money and Marriage
Debt Relief
Estate Protection
Property Investment Loans
Small Business Strategies
Spend Less Money

Disclaimer

Wealth Pilgrim is not responsible for and does not endorse any advertising, products or resource available from advertisements on this website. Wealth Pilgrim receives compensation from Google for advertising space on this website, but does not control the advertising selection or content. Please do the appropriate research before participating in any third party offers. The information contained in WealthPilgrim.com is for general information or entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional financial advice. Please contact an independent financial professional for advice regarding your specific situation. Wealth Pilgrim does not provide investment advisory services and is not a registered investment adviser. Neal may provide advisory services through Wealth Resources Group, a registered investment adviser. Wealth Pilgrim and Wealth Resources Group are affiliated companies. In accordance with FTC guidelines, we state that we have a financial relationship with some of the companies mentioned in this website. This may include receiving payments,access to free products and services for product and service reviews and giveaways. Any references to third party products, rates, or websites are subject to change without notice. We do our best to maintain current information, but due to the rapidly changing environment, some information may have changed since it was published. Please do the appropriate research before participating in any third party offers.


About · Contact · Disclaimer & Privacy policy

Copyright © Wealth Pilgrim 2022 All Rights Reserved