• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Wealth Pilgrim

No Money Worries. No Matter What.

Neal Frankle featured in
  • Home
  • Life Insurance
  • Investing
    • Build Strong Investment Building Blocks To Avoid Going Broke In Retirement
    • Systematic Mutual Fund and ETF Investing
    • Stock Market Investing Guide
    • Choosing the Right Investment Brokerage Guide
    • How Bonds Work Guide
    • How Banks Really Work Guide
    • Annuities – What You Need To Know Before You Invest
    • A Beginners Guide To Buying Individual Stocks
    • Create A Pool Of Great Mutual Funds and ETFs To Pick From To Secure Your Retirement
    • ETF and Index Fund Investment Guide
  • Earn More
  • Banking
  • Retirement Planning
    • Retirement Guide
  • Ask Neal a Question
  • Reviews
    • Upgrade Personal Loans Review
    • Lending Club Review
    • Prosper Review
    • Ally Invest TradeKing Review
    • CIT Bank Review
    • LegalZoom Review
    • Lexington Law Review
    • Airbnb Host Review
    • Should You Drive For Uber?
  • Tax
  • Courses
    • Raise Your Credit Score So You Can Buy a House – Free Video Course

3 Parenting Myths Debunked

by Neal Frankle, CFP ®, The article represents the author's opinion. This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our disclosure for more info.

better parenting

I wrote the following post about my own experiences and how I think I could have been a better parent. But I think the concept behind this can be useful to grandparents, uncles and aunts – anyone who has children in their lives. Let me know if you agree.

Did you go to Mommy-Daddy School before having kids? I didn’t. Neither did my wife. We just did the best we could. Often, we relied on “conventional thinking” when it came to parenting. Fortunately, we re-examined many of these ideas and laid them aside.

Like every parent, my wife and I think that our kids are absolute gems (and they are, believe me). I believe that dumping these particular “truisms” helped them become the wonderful people that they are.

Let’s have a look-see at those lies:

1. A kibbutz is a wonderful place to raise children.

For those of you who don’t know what a kibbutz is, it’s a communal farming community only found in Israel. I met my wife on a small kibbutz in the southern part of the country. Our first daughter was born there.

Most people who know about kibbutz life will tell you that it’s the best place on earth to raise children. Kids have everything they need. It’s beautiful, safe and clean. They are well taken care of and have a great education. All that is true…yet it was still the wrong place for us to raise our children. Here’s why:

a. I am a capitalist and was miserable in a communal socialist system. I was wrong when I thought I could get used to it…I couldn’t. My frustration impacted my relationships with everyone there. I couldn’t possibly raise happy kids if I was miserable.

b. While safe and secure, the kibbutz was very isolated. We wanted our kids to be exposed to lots of new people with new ideas. A kibbutz in the southern tip of Israel is no place to do that.

c. The community has a huge role in shaping how kids develop. The parents’ roles are diminished. We didn’t want that.

We concluded that a kibbutz was probably the easiest place to raise kids – but not the best place to do it. When I told friends that I thought raising kids on a kibbutz was a terrible idea, they thought I was crazy. We didn’t care. We abandoned our fear of criticism. Despite the “common knowledge,” we got out of Dodge.

2. We bought “stuff” for our kids.

Sure our kids love “stuff.” Who doesn’t? But we noticed that our kids had more fun in an empty room with a deflated ball than in a loud, insane arcade. You know when our kids were happiest? When we played blocks and Barbies with them on the rug. (OK…so they need blocks and Barbies, I’ll admit it.) They didn’t need a lot of “stuff,” but we bought too much of it for them anyway.

Why? For ourselves – at least partially.

We bought things for our kids because we wanted to be like everyone else. We wanted to feel like we were being good parents. We wanted to show that we love our kids just as much as the next parent, and we were going to spend every last dime we had in order to prove it.

All this had nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with ourselves. We bought “stuff” and gave it to the kids, but we spent it selfishly. We didn’t realize it at the time of course, but it was true.

Another reason we bought toys for the kids was to keep them busy. Of course, we never wanted to admit this to ourselves either. But we wanted some free time once in a while. “Stuff” kept them busy. Naturally, we didn’t tell ourselves that. We convinced ourselves – through lazy thinking – that we were giving them “stuff” for their own benefit. When we realized what we were doing, we stopped.

3. Television allows kids to relax, enjoy and maybe learn something.

Try this experiment. Let your kids watch TV for three hours and watch how they behave. How relaxed and joyful are they? Not much. They’re probably really agitated. TV does that.

Now, try just chilling with them. If they are young, try getting down on the carpet and playing cards or blocks with them. (If you want to splurge, throw in some Barbies or G.I. Joes). If your kids are too old for that, just talk together.

I’m writing about this for one spectacularly important (financial) reason:

You and your family will benefit greatly by re-examining the “truisms” and “rules of thumb” you rely on. They may be appropriate, and that’s fine. But they may not be, and that could have disastrous emotional and financial results. Better to look at that sooner rather than later.

Now that I’ve spilled my guts…what about you? Have you ever discovered that a “truism” didn’t work for you and your family? What did you do about it? What were the results?

 

Tweet
Pin
Share

Reader Interactions

User Generated Content (UGC) Disclosure: Please note that the opinions of the commenters are not necessarily the opinions of this site.

Comments

  1. How to instantly position Yourself says

    December 24, 2009 at 6:49 AM

    As a Newbie, I am always searching online for articles that can help me. Thank you

    Reply
  2. Joel says

    December 7, 2009 at 8:31 AM

    I have a two-and-a-half year old daughter (actually, today is her 18-month birthday) and #2 really resonated with me. We’ve bought Maggie a lot of toys — like, our living room is packed full of them. I don’t think we bought them for us, necessarily, but we bought them because wanted her to be happy. But as you point out, close contact with her parents makes her much more happy than anything. Thanks for reminding me.

    Speaking of which, the truism that really resonates with me is that you should simply spend time with your kids. If you’re in the same room but not interacting with them, close the magazine/turn off the computer/put down your iPhone and get on the floor with them. The emails can wait.

    Reply
  3. Neal Frankle says

    December 3, 2009 at 4:58 PM

    Right.@Sharon,

    We imagine all this “reality” about our decisions and how they impact others (like our children). At the end of the day, the other people in our lives experience our decisions quite differently. Amazingly helpful comment Sharon.

    Reply
  4. karyn says

    December 3, 2009 at 3:41 PM

    @Sharon. Thanks for that comment because we make decisions as parents but I’m always worried the kids are going to think we were nuts or that they missed out. Of course, they might not miss all the “stuff” but they’ll probably still think our choices were nuts, lol!

    Reply
  5. Sharon says

    December 3, 2009 at 2:55 PM

    This is the first time I’ve commented, but I wanted to because I think this article is terrific. I don’t have kids, but in recently speaking to my mom she said she felt bad that she and dadn’t couldn’t afford to buy us more “stuff” when we were kids. Honestly, I never missed it! I never felt deprived. We learned how to be creative with what we did have and spent a lot of time being active instead of stuck in front of the tv. I feel very blessed to have had the opportunity to learn and benefit from not having too much “stuff”. Thanks!

    Reply
  6. karyn says

    December 3, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    One thing that I’ve had to let go (and continually let go) is that there’s a “right” way to do anything – whether it’s the birth plan, co-sleeping or not co-sleeping, what type of schooling, what type of discipline, etc. All of those decisions are different for every family, for every parent, and even for every kid, even when they’re in the same family! So as much as I would like to have some pat answers, I’m trying to learn to make day-by-day (sometimes hour-by-hour) decisions for my family. That’s interesting, btw, about the kibbutz. I’ve always been strangely drawn to the idea but I don’t think I’m social enough (not even socialist, just social).

    Reply
  7. Rochelle says

    December 3, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    Terrific post..honest and true! The “stuff” eventually ends up in trash heaps..the love and connection lasts forever!!!

    Reply
  8. wrc says

    December 3, 2009 at 5:17 AM

    This is one of you best posts ever. I don’t have kids and have no plans to have kids, but I really enjoyed this post. This gave me an honest idea of who you and your family really are and how much you mean to each other.

    Reply
    • admin says

      December 3, 2009 at 11:26 AM

      That’s a real deep compliment. Thanks.

      Reply
  9. Ken says

    December 2, 2009 at 11:28 AM

    Yeah…the stuff does not work…their self-esteems will be OK without some stuff…as a parent we let the ‘stuff’ babysit them and allow us to do other things..some importnat..some not…we don’t need to forget it’s the time with them that makes the impressions that last….good post!

    Reply
  10. admin says

    December 2, 2009 at 6:34 AM

    Yes…..I’d agree….except I’m not a huge fan of the diaper era.. But I get your point…

    Reply
  11. Susan D. says

    December 2, 2009 at 6:29 AM

    One thing we found about raising kids is that you may think it gets easier as they get older but in reality it only gets harder and more complicated. Some days I’d give anything just to change a diaper to make things better.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Are You Human? * Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.

Primary Sidebar

Who is Neal Frankle

Neal Frankle

I'm a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ Professional with more than 25 years of experience. I feel very blessed and hope to share my personal financial experience and professional wisdom with readers of WealthPilgrim.
Read More »

Stay Connected

Facebook Twitter YouTube RSS

More Categories

Career Development
College Funding
Credit Cards
Credit Score Fixes
Money and Marriage
Debt Relief
Estate Protection
Property Investment Loans
Small Business Strategies
Spend Less Money

Disclaimer

Wealth Pilgrim is not responsible for and does not endorse any advertising, products or resource available from advertisements on this website. Wealth Pilgrim receives compensation from Google for advertising space on this website, but does not control the advertising selection or content. Please do the appropriate research before participating in any third party offers. The information contained in WealthPilgrim.com is for general information or entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional financial advice. Please contact an independent financial professional for advice regarding your specific situation. Wealth Pilgrim does not provide investment advisory services and is not a registered investment adviser. Neal may provide advisory services through Wealth Resources Group, a registered investment adviser. Wealth Pilgrim and Wealth Resources Group are affiliated companies. In accordance with FTC guidelines, we state that we have a financial relationship with some of the companies mentioned in this website. This may include receiving payments,access to free products and services for product and service reviews and giveaways. Any references to third party products, rates, or websites are subject to change without notice. We do our best to maintain current information, but due to the rapidly changing environment, some information may have changed since it was published. Please do the appropriate research before participating in any third party offers.


About · Contact · Disclaimer & Privacy policy

Copyright © Wealth Pilgrim 2022 All Rights Reserved