If you have a really bad boss it can make your entire life miserable. It’s tough to leave bad energy at the office let alone be successful on the job if you work for a neanderthal. Fortunately there a few ways to turn this situation around.
The key to is to understand that you and your boss see things very differently. And if you really want to tame your manager, know that she probably sees herself as Sister Teresa even though you might think of her as Joseph Stalin in heels.
Should you enlighten your boss and show her how truly terrible she is? Eh…no…probably not. I tried that once when I was very young and very stupid. I still have the scars.
Your boss may indeed be unkind and unprofessional but chances are they don’t see it and they probably never will. But that doesn’t mean you are powerless. Here’s my 3-step method to turning your boss back into a human being:
1. Take her out for a cup of coffee.
Buy your boss a cup of coffee outside the office – very important. If she’s really the ogre you think she is, nobody else ever offered to buy her anything other than a one-way ticket out of town. This step alone will make her reconsider how she’s treating you.
While you are out, show some interest in her. Ask questions and get to know what makes her tick. Then, ask for help. Tell her about the top three things you are working on and ask for her feedback. Hopefully, she’ll provide some productive feedback. If she does, you’re home free. Why? Because once she gives you her seal of approval, she will have a vested interest in your success. This will not only turn her around, it could also be the first step in your next promotion. Sweeeeeet.
2. Focus on goals and priorities rather than getting bogged down over the details.
While you are together find out more about her values. What’s important to her? Crawl inside her mind and try to understand how she thinks and evaluates situations. Don’t do this to manipulate her. Do this so she invites you onto her team. Do this so you can become more valuable to her and the company as a whole.
3. Ask your boss what her top three keys to success are.
I’ve had my own business for 25 years, and no employee has ever asked me what I think the key ingredients are for success. If you want to turn someone around, this is the way to do it. Find out what she wants to see happen – and then help her make it happen.
If you take this step and ask these questions, you’ll be boldly going where no employee has ever gone before. Your boss will be grateful that you treated her like a human. As a result, she might even start acting like one again.
What you probably shouldn’t do if you have a bad boss is tune her out. That will probably make her angry and make the problem worse. Think of your boss as a customer because, in many ways, she is. Listen to her needs. Empathize with her. Find out what she is afraid of and what motivates her.
Keep track of what your boss tells you – especially if it’s negative. This will help you see a pattern over time. Be proactive in looking for ways to be of service that are above and beyond the call of duty. Even though you probably don’t see it, your boss does have human DNA. Eventually, he or she will reciprocate the kindness you show them. Basically, I suggest that you give your boss the opportunity to re-enter the human race. They’ll probably jump at the chance.
Disclosure: I haven’t had a boss for a long time. But when I implement these ideas with the people on my team, they work pretty well.
What If This Doesn’t Work
If you take these measures and your boss still treats you like she’s missed a few thousand years on the evolution train, it’s time to pack your bags Pilgrim. Life is too short to suffer. Start looking for a new job. Your only hope at that point is for her to get fired and unless that seems eminent there is no point in waiting around.
What have you found to be the best tactics in dealing with a tough boss? Have you ever tried techniques like these? Did they work?
Neal says
July 27, 2015 at 9:55 AMHave these ideas worked for you?
Neal Frankle says
August 10, 2009 at 8:13 AMSounds like you are really taking great advantage of a niche market. Nice job Siebrie!
Siebrie says
August 10, 2009 at 5:09 AM‘Treat as you wish to be treated’ – I make a living out of working as temp PA for ‘difficult bosses’. I charge €1,000 more than average, keep to exact agreed working hours, do a spotless job and leave after 18 months max. I am nearly always polite, give compliments on clothes, make-up, inform after holidays and weekends. I’ve found that hardly anyone sees the difficult boss as a social being and most do not want to be in ‘its’ vicinity. In return, I’ve received a nice salary, interesting work, and have had very nice conversations.
Neal says
July 14, 2009 at 7:55 PMI appreciate the comments Mary & Beth. I never really know how to approach the issue of gender bias.
I wasn’t trying to imply any such bias in this article. I just want to get away from the idea that only a man can and will be the boss.
I have 3 daughters and that is not acceptable to me.
I seriously would love some input on how better to present such an issue.
chuck says
July 14, 2009 at 6:06 AMTry working in the educational system. All the bosses are women, and they feel justified in badmouthing men all day, including their male students as well as male employees. They’ve been programmed to think that’s OK. I face this daily, and it does get to me after a while.
I thought Neal’s article was headed in the right direction when he suggested inviting her out for coffee, but I missed the part about slipping a cyanide cap into her drink when she wasn’t looking.
Mary says
July 14, 2009 at 5:54 AMBeth, I can see the writer using one pronoun for the sake of consistency — though the post flips between male and female and single and plural. I don’t think the author is actually implying that problems are just with female bosses.
I’ve faced discrimination because I’m a woman, but I’ve also faced it because of my age and the colour of my skin as well. How do you deal with someone else’s unreasonable judgments about you? (other than to find a new job?)
Beth says
July 14, 2009 at 5:36 AMI find it funny that you switch to the female pronoun part way through the article. Like it or not, there’s still a much higher percentage of men in management positions (especially at the exec level) than women.
Sure, I’m nitpicking, but I’ve been in the unfortunate position of being looked down on because I’m a woman (even though I was the most qualified person in the room). It’s difficult to fight gender biases, especially when they’re cultural.
David says
July 14, 2009 at 4:40 AMGreat ideas, Neal. Keep up the good work!