Buying an engagement ring is one of the first steps many people take when they begin their married life. The thing is, the price of that ring shouldn’t cause you to start that joint life out in the poor house.
When you get engaged, it’s an emotional event. Even a jaded Pilgrim can admit that. But it’s important to be clear: while your feelings run at very high levels when you choose your mate, once that decision is made it’s time to put your logic in charge. Your emotions need to put on ice.
That said, your decision about how much to spend on the ring and how much money to spend on the wedding has to be made from an intellectual vantage point. Capiche?
I know this sounds very logical but believe me, it’s easier to say than do. One reason is because the people who sell weddings, wedding dresses and engagement rings know your emotions are at an all-time high and will try to use this knowledge to get right into your purse and wallet. Don’t let this happen to you.
I’ll never forget when an old friend who was about to get married asked me for financial advice. He wanted to spend $5,000 on a diamond ring for his bride-to-be and he wanted to know how best to pay for it: borrow money from his family or go into credit card debt.
I told him the best choice was “C” – none of the above. I suggested that he get a ring he could afford with the money he had and to make sure it didn’t torpedo his future financial. He didn’t like what I had to say. Maybe that’s why I haven’t seen him in 15 years. Oh well…..
Rule Number One – Never ever go into debt to finance a ring or wedding.
The stores want you to believe you should spend two months’ salary on the ring. It’s a wonderful benchmark…for them. How much you spend on your ring is not an expression of your love for your would-be-spouse. Sometimes an expensive ring is just your effort to manipulate what your bride thinks about you. In that way, it’s not so altruistic…is it?
Would you rather buy a huge rock to impress your future wife and spend the next five years in credit card hell? Or would you rather start married life with no debt? Which is a greater gift to your marriage? You don’t need me to answer that one.
The Store Spiel
The salesperson will try to get you to agree that the ring is an expression of how much you love your spouse. I’ve already exposed that to be a big fat lie. When the salesman sees that this isn’t working, he’ll switch tracks and try to convince you that a diamond is a great investment. That is also untrue. A ring is hand furniture. And even if you do buy a ring that appreciates, don’t tell me you’re going to tell your wife that it’s time to sell the ring and buy oil futures when diamond prices are high and oil is low. Not going to happen. Compare the best diamond ring you can buy to your average mutual fund performance and tell me which is a good investment and which one isn’t. Spoiler alert – the ring losses.
Along those same lines, some salespeople try to get you to buy a ring you can’t pay for by pushing it as a way to build your credit. This is complete hogwash. Never borrow money just to build credit. That’s nuts. While we’re at, do me a favor; never spend too much money on anything for any reason. Period.
Before heading out to the stores, decide on a budget and stick to it. Don’t let the slick salespeople play games and try to get you out of your comfort zone.
Another tip: don’t surprise your fiancée. It’s her ring after all. Right? She’s your better half and any debt you incur (heaven forbid) is going to impact her. Make sure you both go to the stores to get a better picture of the right ring for your finances. And discuss price levels before you go shopping. And think about this. If you over-spend, you’re going to have to find a way to pay off your debt. That could mean you’ll have to take on an extra job. If that’s the case, how is your spouse going to feel sitting home alone while you’re at your weekend job paying off the credit card debt you racked up on that ring?
A few years ago I was in the market for a new ring for Mrs. Pilgrim to celebrate 20 years of married bliss. When I walked into a jewelry shop, a young woman not only tried to get me to go large for a rock for my wife, she also wanted me to buy a ring for myself. (I don’t wear any jewelry other than a watch).
She asked me where my ring was and when I told her I didn’t have one, she asked how the world was supposed to know that I was married.
I told her it didn’t matter what the world knows. I know I’m married and that’s all that matters.
If you know your soon-to-be-spouse loves you, do you really need a huge rock to prove it? If so, why? If you own a huge ring or bought a big expensive rock for your spouse, explain why it was a good decision…please…
dansbooks says
September 1, 2014 at 10:25 PMThis may sound weird, but I bought my fiancee a ring on EBay. It came from a jeweler in England who sells SI (slight imperfection) diamonds at seriously discounted prices. You can see the imperfections with a magnifying glass, but not without (they show up as tiny dark spots). The ring is 1.15 carats, SI2, H clarity, round, in a six-prong white gold setting. The price–I’m serious–was $785, including shipping and insurance. When I had it appraised at a jeweler in my area, it was appraised at $3,850. In the US, jewelers always try to sell perfect diamonds at astronomical prices (ones I looked at that were one carat, only 2-3 grades higher in clarity, and near perfect were in the $3-5,000 range).
Aly in PA says
September 13, 2011 at 7:54 AMMy husband and I got engaged pretty young (I was 23 and fresh out of college), and he was working as a moderately successful musician. He bought a somewhat modest, yet unique and beautiful ring on Overstock for a little over $500. We never discussed the “four c’s” that the jewelers use to guilt you into overspending. The white gold has a slight defect–a pretty big scratch on the side (still noticeable only to me). I adore it. I know that it took my almost-starving (yet self sufficient and debt free with a savings account) gentleman friend a long time to save for it. Had he gone into debt and bought something that he couldn’t afford or spent his life savings, I wouldn’t be nearly as sentimental about the ring. I still get lots of compliments (it’s amazing what keeping the thing cleaned can do). In the end, when I added it to our insurance, it appraised for nearly three times what he paid. If he ever tried to “upgrade,” I’d be upset, there are so many more important things to spend our money on!
Neal Frankle says
September 13, 2011 at 8:02 AMI love it! Nice Aly…
Miss T @ Prairie Eco-Thrifter says
May 30, 2011 at 9:08 AMI think what the ring represents is the most important, not what size it is. And yes, stores will try to persuade you to buy the biggest rock they have.
We had our rings designed and custom made so we were able to chose the metal, the size of the stone and the design. Our rings were high quality, not over the top and very reasonably priced. In fact, despite being custom they cost less than what the ones in the store did.
Mike says
May 29, 2011 at 10:15 AMOn this subject you can never consider a diamond an investment as diamonds are a artificial market with 1 or 2 players holding all the inventory setting prices. this is why you heard so much about conflict diamonds becuase they were lowering the artificial price.
But on topic. I agree never pay with credit I researched rings diamonds etc. for 3 months before making a purchase. The biggest no is going to the store diamonds are marked up 700% at a jewelery store. I bought a certified diamond and setting from an online wholesaler and had it reappraised on delivery. appraised at $9600 payed a little over $3000 saved $6000 on the ring. this is really the only way to by diamonds.
Everyone was happy. I bought a ring that is appraised at 2 months salary but I got to be cheap(insert smart) and save some money.
Justin says
May 27, 2011 at 11:39 AMIll tell you another way not to get soaked…go outside the comfort zone, take your budget for a ring.
Flaneuse in DC says
May 26, 2011 at 12:32 PMIt seems to me that the original idea of a wedding ring was yes, to show the world you are married and your spouse is “spoken for”. A man giving a woman an *expensive* ring was supposed to signify not the extent of his love, but the extent of his financial capacity — that he Has Means and will be a good provider, preferably with good taste. If you drill down, all of this presumes he was paying cash; otherwise, he clearly does NOT have the means. Much of these values are from a time when a man was the sole provider and could be expected to support a family on one paycheck. Ah innocence!
As a contemporary professional (if not high earning) woman, I still like the idea of receiving a ring. It doesn’t have to be expensive or large — but then, I prefer subtlety over ostentation. For symbolism’s sake, I do have some preference that the materials be real — real gold, for example, and not a coated cheap metal, to symbolize that our love is durable and lasting. I’d want any diamond to be certified “conflict free” (Google it) but I’d be okay with any precious or semiprecious stone. (I’m ambivalent about cubic zirconia; it’s hard to feel romantic about something that was manufactured in a lab, so I’d likely prefer a tiny real diamond over a bigger synthetic one). Though you didn’t directly suggest it, I rather like the idea of younger or lower-earning couples buying a simple ring knowing you may be able to “upgrade” at a later anniversary as your means make possible. But would the new ring ever hold the delicacy and romance of the original?
Neal Frankle says
May 26, 2011 at 7:17 PMThe upgrade idea is a good one. Thanks for suggesting it. I agree completely.
Meredith says
May 26, 2011 at 12:31 PMMy sister recently got engaged and is, too, blinded by her emotions…did I mention she’s depending on the salary of her fiance alone to pay for the wedding?
I’m forwarding this post to her as I type this!
Meredith @ Deals.com
Neal Frankle says
May 26, 2011 at 7:16 PMMeredith, I hope the post gets her to consider all these issues.