How You Can Stop Money Arguments Once and For All

Have you ever found yourself wondering how to stop money arguments with your spouse? Of course you have. Here’s a technique you can use to make sure s/he always agrees with you from now on.

Imagine the following:

You and your spouse have a disagreement about money but you KNOW you are right. After all the years of being on the wrong side of the argument, you finally have no doubt.  He wants to go on a trip to Africa and you want to get out of credit card debt. In fact, you are so convinced your position is correct that you walk into the room and smile.  You’re sure that your spouse will come around sooner or later. “It’s so obvious that even a four-year-old would agree,” you tell yourself.

But your better half isn’t four years old, and s/he just isn’t buying it. The more you try to “show them the error of their ways,” the more they dig in.

Of course, you could resort to non-conventional weapons, but that could take years and make a big mess.

Instead, I have three magic words that will turn your partner into putty every time.

In case you are wondering, they aren’t “Call My Lawyer.” The words are “You Are Right.” “What? Neal…You’ve got it all wrong…I’m the one who is right this time!  He’s the one who is W-R-O-N-G!!!  What are you, some kind of blog-writing pansy?  I’m not going to give in…I’ve waited years for this moment.  Forget it!”

Hold on. Before you fire off a heat-seeking e-mail – I’m not suggesting that you surrender or lie.  I’m suggesting that you find something right about what your partner suggests. If you are married to (or with) a reasonable person, that shouldn’t be difficult.

Let’s see how this tactic operates in real life and then decide if it’s for you or not.

My wife “prefers” that we buy new cars or even lease a car cheap because they are more reliable and have lower (immediate) maintenance costs than used cars.  Her basic concern is safety.  She doesn’t want to get stuck on a freeway at 10 PM to change the alternator.  Neither do I.

When it was time for us to buy a new car two years ago, I suggested that we buy a two-year old car with a very good reputation for reliability.  I explained to her that it would save us thousands and thousands of dollars and it was a smart economic move. I explained depreciation and even illustrated my points using interactive charts and graphs! But I couldn’t believe it – I showed her all my masterful data and support and it still didn’t work!

In her mind, used cars mean less safety.  Since you can’t put a price on safety, she wasn’t interested in my genius idea. And she tried to convince me that since we had a good credit score, we could get a cheap car loan.  Lucky for me, I had a flash of enlightenment at that moment and my “financial submission” tactic was born.

“You are right,” I said, “safety is the number one priority.”

I really meant it and I wasn’t trying to get her to change her mind.  She was right…safety is number one.  I was being selfish and inconsiderate.  By being open to her viewpoint, I stopped the arguing right there.

Of course that’s not the end of the story.  After I told her she was right, I started thinking about ways we could satisfy both our requirements.

I suggested that if we took our budget, which we track using You Need A Budget, and used it to buy a used car, we could buy a great one with enhanced safety features. That move would protect our family more (satisfying her requirements) and save us a fortune when it was time to resell it.  (Since we would buy it second-hand, we wouldn’t own it during the first few years, which are the most expensive in terms of depreciation.)

BINGO!  I am now the owner of a pre-owned Lexus.  My dream car.

So even though my first inclination was to argue, I went against myself.  I put myself in her shoes and as a result we both got what we wanted without arguing.  Sweet……

Am I really suggesting that you use this tactic to manipulate anyone?  No. Never.

I do suggest that you look for common ground. When you have a financial disagreement, look for the wisdom in the other person’s position and try to find a way to satisfy their requirements.  Find a way to tell the other party, “You are right.”  Don’t lie about it and don’t just say it.  Find a way that you can say it and mean it.

Once you do that, you’ll find the other person will be more inclined to find a way to say, “You are right also.”

Have you ever tried this approach?  How has it worked?  Have you ever done something like this and had it backfire?

Do you have a better approach to solving financial disputes with your partner?

 Related Posts:

Cold Hard Facts About Money And Marriage

Stop Money Stress Today

Couples and Credit

Outside Resources:

CBS – How to Stop Fighting About Money

Forbes -How To Stop Money Fights

1st Photo by Patrick Haney, Flikr

2nd Photo by MsAnthea, Flikr

3rd Photo by FootSlogger, Flikr

4th Photo by Foreign and Commonwealth’s Photo Stream