Comments on: Respond to “Help Save Our Marriage” and Weekend Links

By: Neal

Neal — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 18:57:24 +0000

A great idea Financially Smart. Do any shows come to mind?

By: FinanciallySmart

FinanciallySmart — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:44:03 +0000

Hey Neal why not find a show that speak exactly to their situation and give them to watch reminding them that if there are any questions the offer still stands. Sometimes fear consume us and prevent us from achieving Anna husband needs to let go off that fear. Unless he do this he will continue to be the miser and cause unhappiness which is unnecessary.

By: Joel

Joel — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:54:51 +0000

I think that’s a great idea. If nothing else, it will show them (or at least Anna) that your heart is in the right place. Good luck (to them and you!).

By: Neal

Neal — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:50:43 +0000

Joel,

First, I’m really happy for you (daughters are the best…I have 3 of them!)

Also, I’m thinking, hey, maybe this post is the help. I’ve written my thoughts and everyone else has chimed in too. This way, it’s even more objective…..whadya think?

Could that have an impact?

By: Joel

Joel — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:20:23 +0000

Well, I’ve been the “Imelda Marcos” of the couple before, and I have to say that our money issues were undoubtedly the result of a general unhappiness in our marriage.

True, we had different philosophies about money. But the frostiness between us made talking about these issues that much harder.

If you want to help these people, and you were willing to do so for 30 minutes for free earlier, maybe you could type up some advice and send it along. Say, “Here, look — here’s what I’m thinking you should do. Notice how I’m not trying to up-sell you or get you to buy anything [note: don't try to up-sell them or get them to buy anything]. I just want to try to help you out — this isn’t a new problem, and your issues can be solved… etc.

Then, well… you’ve done what you can. I think there must be some way for Anna and Mike to work this out.

As for me, my ex and I split five years ago. I remarried a few years later, and now I have a gorgeous two-year-old daughter and a wife I’m crazy about. Our finances are doing well. So there you go.

By: Neal

Neal — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 18:13:17 +0000

I agree w/everyone this time.

Ret Sav…..I should have made myself available rather than infuse myself……DOOH!

Susan & Rgurien, I think you are on it….their problems are relational first and financial second.

Matt SF – Yep. A cup of coffee probably would have been a better suggestion. I really don’t care how they do it, I just really dislike seeing people suffer when they don’t have to.

By: rgurien

rgurien — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:18:45 +0000

Clearly, their problems are relational and not financial. They need a marital therapist, not a financial advisor.

By: Susan D.

Susan D. — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:23:22 +0000

Obviously, there has to be a happy middle they could negotiate towards. If not, their problems are much bigger than financial issues. Communication is the key. Sounds like a budget should be in their future with an allowable expense amount for her and an equal line item for a Roth or savings contributions in his name only to satisfy him. Both views are reasonable although I tend to side with the husband. Sounds like she could embrace a little more mature attitude towards the whole situation.

By: Matt SF

Matt SF — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:26:40 +0000

Hmm… tough scenario since you’re dealing they are the Yin and Yang of the consumer world. Opposites attract, but they clash frequently.

Since you’re a friend first and advisor second, I might try meeting them out for a coffee instead of meeting in an office. Most people generally prefer to meet in a neutral setting when they’re fearful of being upsold, as well as let their guard down when they’re talking to someone without a desk/table separating them. (Old behavioral psyc trick I learned back in college.)

You might also try showing up without any paperwork. People see a briefcase or a manila folder, and they think ‘oh great, here comes the sales pitch and paperwork’.

Most importantly, I think the big thing is to get both of them to compromise. Instead of saying either one of them is wrong in their spending ideology, get them both to admit they need to slowly modify their behaviors. She needs to stick to an agreed upon budget with a consistent discretionary income expenditure, and he needs to loosen up and enjoy life a little better.

By: Retirement Savior

Retirement Savior — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 14:50:39 +0000

I have never been a personal financial advisor, so I might not be any help. Maybe just acknowledging to Anna for Mike’s benefit that no financial product will take away their financial worries, and that if they wanted a forum to discuss their issues with an impartial third party, you’d be available. And maybe telling her your own past problems with a shyster advisor, as they make everyone else look bad.

What a tough situation.