Comments on: Stop Fighting about Money Now http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/ WealthPilgrim.com - A Journey To Self, Health and Wealth Sat, 11 Feb 2012 14:42:35 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Neal http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2086 Neal Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:23:17 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2086 Roxy, I'd have to agree w/you on that. The question is, does Jim see this as a problem he's willing to work on? Roxy,

I’d have to agree w/you on that. The question is, does Jim see this as a problem he’s willing to work on?

]]> By: Roxy http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2083 Roxy Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:19:02 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2083 why do people always run to a divorce? That's just lazy. Make your own money or see a counselor to help you find a compromise. Clearly Jim needs therapy! why do people always run to a divorce? That’s just lazy. Make your own money or see a counselor to help you find a compromise. Clearly Jim needs therapy!

]]> By: Neal@wealthpilgrim.com http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2079 Neal@wealthpilgrim.com Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:33:33 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2079 Scott makes a good point. We do decide who we spend our time with and marry. Deb should look at that otherwise, even if she leaves, she'll end up with a similar problem. Sounds like therapy is the best course of action for this couple. Scott makes a good point.

We do decide who we spend our time with and marry. Deb should look at that otherwise, even if she leaves, she’ll end up with a similar problem.

Sounds like therapy is the best course of action for this couple.

]]> By: Scott http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2078 Scott Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:29:12 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2078 Also keep in mind that this situation was probably exactly the same even before they got married too. She entered the marriage knowing that he was like this, and so she should have no expectation that he's going to change after marriage. A leopard can't change its spots, and all that. But that being said, spouses need to work together, have a common goal, and that dictates how the house money gets spent. It's not "his money" and "her money" any more - it is their money. She shouldn't be expecting 3 vacations a year, but she should expect to have some vote in how money is spent. If it's important to her, it should be important to him. They should have worked this out in marriage counselling before getting married. Also keep in mind that this situation was probably exactly the same even before they got married too. She entered the marriage knowing that he was like this, and so she should have no expectation that he’s going to change after marriage. A leopard can’t change its spots, and all that.

But that being said, spouses need to work together, have a common goal, and that dictates how the house money gets spent. It’s not “his money” and “her money” any more – it is their money.

She shouldn’t be expecting 3 vacations a year, but she should expect to have some vote in how money is spent. If it’s important to her, it should be important to him. They should have worked this out in marriage counselling before getting married.

]]> By: Loretta http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2077 Loretta Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:13:52 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2077 Having been in Debby's situation, I can relate. My husband made the bulk of our money and never wanted to enjoy it. You had to light a bomb under him to get him to go on vacation or buy a new sofa. I made money too, but I wanted to share good times and the fruits of our labors with him because I loved him. He was incapable of doing that. We eventually divorced. Having been in Debby’s situation, I can relate. My husband made the bulk of our money and never wanted to enjoy it. You had to light a bomb under him to get him to go on vacation or buy a new sofa. I made money too, but I wanted to share good times and the fruits of our labors with him because I loved him. He was incapable of doing that. We eventually divorced.

]]> By: Neal http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2074 Neal Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:54:37 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2074 Money Energy, I think that Debby might benefit greatly by having her own income - but at this point, it's not going to be an immediate solution. Even if she gets a job, it may not generate the income that gives her the kind of equal footing she deserves w/her husband. I also like Abby's idea about using a budget.I think Jim has got to agree to a budget that they mutually come up with. Otherwise, I don't see much future in the Jim/Debby enterprise. Money Energy,

I think that Debby might benefit greatly by having her own income – but at this point, it’s not going to be an immediate solution. Even if she gets a job, it may not generate the income that gives her the kind of equal footing she deserves w/her husband.

I also like Abby’s idea about using a budget.I think Jim has got to agree to a budget that they mutually come up with. Otherwise, I don’t see much future in the Jim/Debby enterprise.

]]> By: MoneyEnergy http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2073 MoneyEnergy Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:43:15 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2073 Uugh, I'd never want to be in Debby's situation - I'd get my own job and have my own independence. No offense to Debby of course, if she's comfortable requiring her husband to bring in all the money. But I have more radical ideas about equality. I think financial freedom is so important that without it we might not even be able to have truly equal relationships with anyone. So I think the points you've made here are good. When you penny pinch that much, maybe it means you're focusing on the wrong things. Uugh, I’d never want to be in Debby’s situation – I’d get my own job and have my own independence. No offense to Debby of course, if she’s comfortable requiring her husband to bring in all the money. But I have more radical ideas about equality. I think financial freedom is so important that without it we might not even be able to have truly equal relationships with anyone. So I think the points you’ve made here are good. When you penny pinch that much, maybe it means you’re focusing on the wrong things.

]]> By: Abby http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2072 Abby Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:21:52 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2072 One word: budget. I'll admit it - I can be over-the-top frugal. The only way my husband stays sane is that we agree on categories and goals. So if we save $5000 for a vacation, we can spend $5000 for the vacation. We're about to start saving for a major trip to visit family in Europe in the next two years. He can appreciate my coupon-clipping, leftover-eating ways because when we do reach a goal, I let go. Whether Debby & Jim can get there without a counselor is another matter. And while I do think there's also merit to Debby finding her own income - but I'm not sure that would actually resolve the issue, or just drive them farther apart. One word: budget.

I’ll admit it – I can be over-the-top frugal. The only way my husband stays sane is that we agree on categories and goals. So if we save $5000 for a vacation, we can spend $5000 for the vacation. We’re about to start saving for a major trip to visit family in Europe in the next two years. He can appreciate my coupon-clipping, leftover-eating ways because when we do reach a goal, I let go.

Whether Debby & Jim can get there without a counselor is another matter. And while I do think there’s also merit to Debby finding her own income – but I’m not sure that would actually resolve the issue, or just drive them farther apart.

]]> By: prufock http://wealthpilgrim.com/married-couples-fighting-how-do-you-deal-with-an-overly-frugal-spouse/#comment-2070 prufock Mon, 21 Sep 2009 14:57:12 +0000 http://359499502#comment-2070 I'd suggest Debby get a job so she'll have her OWN money to enjoy all the things she wants. Of course, depending on her situation, that may not be practical. It doesn't really address the core of the situation, though. I think they need some couples counseling. I’d suggest Debby get a job so she’ll have her OWN money to enjoy all the things she wants. Of course, depending on her situation, that may not be practical. It doesn’t really address the core of the situation, though. I think they need some couples counseling.

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