Do you have a really terrible boss and need to manage your manager? Does s/he make your life miserable? Did you lose 30 pounds and become a zombie within three months of going to work for the jerk?
You might be a PhD or you might be someone who needs a job without a college degree. It doesn’t matter. What makes bad bosses so difficult to work with isn’t just that they treat you so poorly. The worst part is that they don’t realize what monsters they truly are. You might think that your boss knows she is a pain, but chances are she thinks of herself as Sister Teresa.
Should you be the one to enlighten your boss? Eh…no…probably not. I tried that once when I was very young and very stupid. I still have the scars.
It was my first job out of college. I “explained” to my boss how his behavior just made everybody shut down and check out.
What was I thinking? Of course he went into defense mode and lashed out. I got fired within three months. At least I never made that mistake again.
At the end of the day, your boss is just a person.
Of course he happens to be a person who alienates everyone within a 10-mile radius – especially you. When people do that, it’s usually because they don’t have any self-awareness. They just can’t imagine how anyone could take offense by anything they do or say. And if you bring attention to their shortcomings, it’s seen as a mortal threat.
The good news is your boss probably doesn’t enjoy torturing you…she just isn’t any good at her job.
Of course my preferred solution is to quit and be in business for yourself but that may not always be practical. (I’ll be writing more on this option shortly.)
Another way to get rid of your own personal Beelzebub is to perform an exorcism, but it might take weeks to master the skills and of course there is no guarantee of success. No…you need a better remedy.
If you can’t change jobs or bosses you’re going to have to learn how to deal with your boss. Believe it not, the best way to do that is to take her out for a cup of coffee.
That’s right. Invite your boss to have a cup of coffee out of the office. While you’re there, get her thoughts on the following issues:
1. Ask for performance feedback.
Tell your boss about the top three things you are working on. You are gathering information and that is the first step in any negotiation strategy. Ask for her opinion about your work. If she signs off, you’re home free. Why? Because once she gives you her seal of approval, she will have a vested interest in your success. Sweeeeeet.
2. Focus on goals and priorities rather than getting bogged down over the details.
This will help you understand what your boss values and that will help you develop your coping skills. Crawl inside her mind and try to understand how she thinks and evaluates situations.
3. Ask your boss what her top three keys to success are.
I’ve had my own business for 25 years, and no employee has ever asked me what I think the key ingredients are for small business success. (If somebody did, I think my head would do a 360 degree turn while I started speaking in tongues.)
This is a great way to get some insight into your boss’s ideas about leadership, risk taking and office politics. It’s also a great way to forge a positive relationship with your boss.
If you take this step and ask these three questions, you’ll be boldly going where no employee has ever gone before. Your boss will be grateful that you treated her like a human. As a result, she might even start acting like one again.
What you probably shouldn’t do if you have a bad boss is tune her out. That will probably make her angry and make the problem worse. Think of your boss as a customer because, in many ways, she is. Listen to her needs. Empathize with her. Find out what she is afraid of and what motivates her.
Keep track of what your boss tells you – especially if it’s negative. This will help you see a pattern over time. Be proactive in looking for ways to be of service that are above and beyond the call of duty. Even though you probably don’t see it, your boss does have human DNA. Eventually, he or she will reciprocate the kindness you show them. Basically, I suggest that you give your boss the opportunity to re-enter the human race. They’ll probably jump at the chance.
Disclosure: I haven’t had a boss for a long time so I can’t promise these ideas will work. I do know that when I implement these ideas with the people on my team, they work pretty well.
What have you found to be the best tactics in dealing with a tough boss? Have you ever tried techniques like these? Did they work?
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds like you are really taking great advantage of a niche market. Nice job Siebrie!
‘Treat as you wish to be treated’ – I make a living out of working as temp PA for ‘difficult bosses’. I charge €1,000 more than average, keep to exact agreed working hours, do a spotless job and leave after 18 months max. I am nearly always polite, give compliments on clothes, make-up, inform after holidays and weekends. I’ve found that hardly anyone sees the difficult boss as a social being and most do not want to be in ‘its’ vicinity. In return, I’ve received a nice salary, interesting work, and have had very nice conversations.
I appreciate the comments Mary & Beth. I never really know how to approach the issue of gender bias.
I wasn’t trying to imply any such bias in this article. I just want to get away from the idea that only a man can and will be the boss.
I have 3 daughters and that is not acceptable to me.
I seriously would love some input on how better to present such an issue.
Try working in the educational system. All the bosses are women, and they feel justified in badmouthing men all day, including their male students as well as male employees. They’ve been programmed to think that’s OK. I face this daily, and it does get to me after a while.
I thought Neal’s article was headed in the right direction when he suggested inviting her out for coffee, but I missed the part about slipping a cyanide cap into her drink when she wasn’t looking.
Beth, I can see the writer using one pronoun for the sake of consistency — though the post flips between male and female and single and plural. I don’t think the author is actually implying that problems are just with female bosses.
I’ve faced discrimination because I’m a woman, but I’ve also faced it because of my age and the colour of my skin as well. How do you deal with someone else’s unreasonable judgments about you? (other than to find a new job?)
I find it funny that you switch to the female pronoun part way through the article. Like it or not, there’s still a much higher percentage of men in management positions (especially at the exec level) than women.
Sure, I’m nitpicking, but I’ve been in the unfortunate position of being looked down on because I’m a woman (even though I was the most qualified person in the room). It’s difficult to fight gender biases, especially when they’re cultural.
Great ideas, Neal. Keep up the good work!