How To Convince Your Spouse You Need A Budget
By Neal@Wealth Pilgrim on Jul 7, 2010 in How To Spend Less Money
You might realize that you need a budget…. but how do you convince your spouse?
And once you convince him that you need a budget, how do you get him to stick to it?
I could be wrong (it happens once in awhile) but in my opinion, this is the number one issue facing couples with financial problems.
I recently wrote a post for the Consumerist where I detailed how to get on the same page with your partner. In case you missed that post, I’m going to summarize the steps here and go a bit further.
Flikr, 13 of Clubs
Why the budget is the epicenter of your relationship.
Because your budget is the manifestation of all you value. Words are cheap but your budget is really your values in action. Where you spend your money demonstrates what you hold most dear in life. Period.
Let’s say you spend your money paying off debt, saving for retirement and putting something away for your kids. Additionally, let’s say you track your spending and budget for the future. That tells me something about your values.
If, on the other hand, your spouse doesn’t track spending but somehow blows it all at the track, on fancy vacations and other toys, that tells us both something about his values too.
If you can’t agree on how to spend money, your relationship is probably in jeopardy.
That’s why your budget is the epicenter of your relationship and that’s why I keep hammering away at this subject.
So now the question is, how do you get your spouse to take part in the process and implement the budget?
In my piece over at Consumerism Commentary, I detailed a step-by-step method to have an open honest conversation about money.
In it, I suggest that you:
a. Talk about your motives and fears.
b. Be honest about what money means to you both
c. Admit the mistakes you’ve made and where you have to clean up your financial act
d. Work out a plan
e. Appoint a third-party accountability partner.
I think you have to take these steps in the order presented if you want your spouse to embrace the idea of working on and sticking to a budget.
But I have two more very important steps to add to the list above:
1. Provide the tools
I wrote an extensive piece on a software package recently called “You Need A Budget”. I like that software because it’s very easy to use and intuitive. It doesn’t matter if you use it or something else but make sure your spouse takes on the responsibility of keeping your budget up to date. You can’t do it….he’s got to.
This will give him ownership of the process and will insights into the meaning and power of a budget.
This is actually another reason why I love the YNAB program – it’s so easy for a non-interested spouse to use and have fun using.
So, I want you to set it up and then get him to commit to keeping it up to date each week.
2. Schedule time
It’s not enough to hand over the responsibility – you’ve got to be part of the process too. Set aside some time each week where you go through the reports. If your spouse needs to spend that time with you helping him download the data…that’s fine. If he needs you to spend that time updating budgets or analyzing what needs to change…fine too. Overtime, he’ll take on more as his comfort levels grows.
The important thing is that it’s a scheduled time where you both are together working on the budget. While he may be ultimately responsible, it doesn’t mean he can’t get your help with the process.
I believe these two extra steps are crucial.
What was your experience? How did you get your spouse involved with the budget? Or did you try everything and find that nothing worked?
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4 Comment(s)
By Everyday Tips on Jul 7, 2010 | Reply
Fortunately, my husband and I see eye-to-eye on finances. However, one area he refuses to address is lunches for work. He won’t pack one, period. He does got out to lunch quite a bit with clients, so he doesn’t have to pay for lunch everyday, but it is still an impact.
However, since we don’t really spend much on discretionary items, I just let this battle go.
[Reply]
By Neal@Pilgrim on Jul 7, 2010 | Reply
Everyday Tips,
Thanks for bringing this up. It’s a crucial point I didn’t mention.
It’s crucial to pick your battles well. Some aren’t worth the fight.
Sounds like Everyday Tips has done a great job in that area.
[Reply]
By SailboatFamily on Jul 8, 2010 | Reply
This is a tricky topic as demonstrated by the volumes written on the topic of convincing anyone of anything.
There are 3 parts to getting someone on board with an action, especially one that is new. You must provide purpose, direction, and motivation. The what, how, and why that is tailored to the person you are trying to get to do the new thing. For some, it is about analogies (e.g. if someone is a car nut, budgets are like a tachometers.) For some, it is about feelings. For some, it is about goals. Still others, it is something else. You must know what gets your spouse going, invest the time in crafting the approach within an area they get, then try. It isn’t about what makes you tick, you are already on board with budgets … it is about getting them on board so speak their language.
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By cheating spouse spy software on Jul 19, 2010 | Reply
I think you should talk to him about how the prices of primary commodities are getting higher. You need additional budget to support your family’s daily needs.
[Reply]