Can You Enjoy Mother’s Day if Your Mother Is Gone?
By Neal Frankle
When I was growing up, I couldn’t stand Mother’s Day. I really couldn’t. I didn’t like it ever since my mom passed away (I was in high school at the time). You can read my story to learn more.
I was jealous of course…but mostly…just sad. Later on, when I got married and we had children, I grew to enjoy the holiday a bit. I loved seeing my kids have a mother to celebrate with. But still…there was something painful about the holiday. That pain lasted a long time…
I thought about this recently because some of my friends have lost their mothers over the last year. I felt terrible for them.
I didn’t want them to feel that lonely pain I grew up with. I wanted to help somehow. I wanted to give them…I don’t know…a hug? Some hope? A forum to talk about their feelings?
Let me just tell you that I still miss my mother – even though it’s not as painful as it used to be. But I also understand now that she wasn’t my only mother. Over the course of the last 36 years, there have been many “moms” who have stepped up to the plate.
I’m super grateful to those ladies and I’ll be celebrating them and my mother this Sunday – just like my mom would have wanted me to do.
So for me…it’s not Mother’s Day. It’s Mothers’ Day.
If your mother is gone, can you celebrate Mother’s Day? How?
While you’re considering that, I do want to share some good posts I’ve discovered:
First…for the Pilgrim Pick of the Pack…Frugal Dad’s post on 44 Ways to Ruin Your Financial Life before the Age of 30 is a great piece of writing and contains some fabulous ideas.
Monevator offers his view on the U.S. vs. Greece.
Debt Free Adventure encourages us to start living on one income.
How to Find the Best High-Yield Online Checking Account Rates
Cash Money Life offers some good insights into balance transfer credit card offers.
Mike saves you time with IRA Reviews.
In case you want to get Mom (or anyone else) a gift, how about a selection from the Best Personal Finance E-Books.
Craig offers some ideas about student loan payments.
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Thanks for your insights. My husband lost his mom when he was 18. My own mom kind of mentally checked out when I was about 5. Now we’re responsible for her care. You’re right. Other moms have come to the fore. Like the lady at church who showed me how to make pie crust. Sounds small, but it meant alot.
Olivia…you are so right. That lady at church sounds like an angel. Maybe in disguise…but an angel.
My mother left us when we was 12 and moved about 300 miles away…. That meant I hardly saw her so even though she was there I was a little upset on this day….
Moving forward it’s different as I am an adult as I am detached from all my family but there are many mums throughout the years who have helped me and I give thanks to them every year some directly some just in my thoughts.
yes you can. Just the remembrance of her memory is probably a gift enough. If you are married you can celebrate mother’s day with the mother of your children
What a beautiful post.
Very touching, Neal.
It’s good to always have your mother in spirit Neal.
All the best!
Very appropriate post
I have very close friends that are in a similar situation, having lost their mothers or both parents and holidays we like this we make sure to scoop them up and take them over to our house. I am luck to have a mother who is a Mom’s mom and that everyone she meets she treats just like my brothers and I. Great links too!
Great post! Yes you can because she would have wanted you too!
“Because ridicule is the most effective form of education”
Hey Neal,
I didn’t know that your mother had passed away as well as mine – it’s been 21 years for me.
I really found it helpful and kind of cathartic to write a post about mine – I’m trying to focus my site, so I’m thinking of taking it down, but I’ll link it here for you so you can see the links I’ve got to writing a mom letter when your mom isn’t here.
I think what’s difficult about losing a parent at the stage in life that you or I did is that you know them, but don’t really see them with an adult’s eyes. I miss the opportunity to have her as a friend and not just a mom, I guess.
Anyway, here’s my post:
http://www.singlemomrichmom.com/2010/05/thank-you-to-mom-who-lives-only-in.html