By Shaun on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

If 30 minutes a day is an issue for someone, they aren’t good at being productive or efficient. This is speaking from a full-time blogger’s perspective.
Shaun´s last blog ..9 Costly Credit Card Slip-Ups

[Reply]

By Jane on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Maybe the question is wrong. Not if he is a slob or shrewd businessman but, what kind of marriage partner he is. Personally, I would not be happy if I got no help with the household chores. He needs to allow time each day to pitch in and do what needs to be done. Whether it is a consistent 15 minutes or 20 a day isn’t the issue. Do something!

[Reply]

By Bonnie on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

he’s way off base. i agree with the first commenter that he is not working very efficiently if he can’t afford 30 minutes a day to do household chores. but, perhaps more importantly, he’s sending the wrong message to his kids. i thought we got over this mentality at least 40 years ago?? and i didn’t think that there are still women out there, especially younger ones, who would buy into that. everybody in the household, including the kids, should be doing chores. it’s fair; and it teaches kids responsibility, independence, and gender equality.

[Reply]

By Daniel on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Does it matter? If it’s causing problems, then he has to stop. He seems too focused on one project and that’s getting in the way of the rest of his life. Man up and do the dishes. If all you want is to be a successful blogger and make money, then by all means, keep doing what you’re doing.
Daniel´s last blog ..Credit Series: Debt Usage

[Reply]

By Pam McCormick on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

At our house we divide and conquer…We call it TEAM McCormick seriously! right now I am best compensated monetarily so guess who works a 40 hr job then 20 hrs at a 2nd job yup ME but who gets stuck doing dishes,making lunches,taking out the trash plus his 40 hr job- my hubby.Whatever is best for the family we do.

[Reply]

By Lisa on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

I recently took a cut in hours at work (about 85% of fulltime) so that I could have more time at home to do housework, etc. It has greatly reduced my stress level, and made my husband happy because he doesn’t have to help clean house! However, I don’t enjoy the time at home as much as I thought I would. Chores that help the family function are boring, mundane, tedious, and never-ending. As soon as the laundry is done, another dirty pile awaits. I have thought of returning to full-time hours, and using the salary increase to pay a housekeeper and send more laundry to the cleaners. I suspect that your buddy’s wife would trade places with him in a minute.

I wonder what is more important to him – getting out of debt as soon as possible or contributing to harmony in the home? If the kids are old enough, they could schedule time for the whole family to clean house on the weekend.

[Reply]

By Audley on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

This behavior is so irresponsible and immature. I was like this a few years back; me, me, me. He needs to wake up and realize that life is about making sacrifices and balancing his responsibilities.

I was running my company, 17 staff, taking calls 24/7 and neglecting my wife feelings and time. I’m still a workaholic, micro manager, but I’m also a good husband and father. Men need to wash dishes, change diapers, cook food and allow their significant others to have a break and not feel guilty about doing so.

Work smarter, not longer. If he learns the value of marketing and advertising, he will not need to work 90 hour weeks.

[Reply]

By Jack Foley on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

What is Tim’s priority? What does he want fifty years from now?

Do the chores represent something more than chores? My wife’s love language is acts of service. Doing chores for my wife is as good as a love note, flowers or a warm hug. She sees my holding out on chores as an equivalent as withholding love from her. Is this rational? No, but does it have to be?

Would doing the chores improve your relationship with your wife? Maybe having that component of life more resolved will help you be more efficient in your work.

I’m a mostly retired CPA who worked an obscene number of hours during tax season. I learned keeping up with these “menial” tasks helped keep my relationship with my wife healthy. That allowed me to be freer in my work. I think I got more done even spending the time on chores than I would have gotten done in an unresolved state.

What’s more important? Building the blog faster so you can pay off the debts a little bit faster? Or the long term relationship with your wife?

Listen to her. Value her. She knows you’re trying to improve your family’s life. I’m sure you guys can find a good balance for this season.

Grace & Peace

[Reply]

By Bonnie on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Honestly he needs to help out more.
The household tasks should be equal in am arriage. He could do his blogging but take some time to help clean. It will not only make his marriage stronger but keep on focused on what’s mroe important. Money doesn’t buy happiness. And in the end that’s all you have.

[Reply]

By Joel on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

First off, he should help with the dishes. End of story.

Secondly, I’m going to call b.s. on the claim that he’s working 90 hours a week. There just aren’t enough hours in the day — especially if he claims to be spending a lot of time with the kids on the weekends. I think he’s overstating his workload to increase his martyrdom.

The bottom line: Tim needs to tie on the apron.

[Reply]

By Beth on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

I think the division of household labor and the household finances are both things that spouses have to agree on, otherwise the building resentment is going to be very damaging in the long run. Coming home from work and playing with the kids for a little while before doing more work isn’t parenting — not when you leave it to someone else to feed them, put them to bed, wash their cleans, clean their rooms, etc.

It doesn’t matter how much money you have, you can’t buy back the damage you do to your spouse and kids.

[Reply]

By Wimsey on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

I get, I click, I read, I love, I never comment.

Until now.

Sorry, but unless she’s a control-freak who needs to have everything done her own way, your buddy’s being a real jerk. Clear the dishes – 10 minutes, rinse – 4 minutes, and load up the dishwasher (including soap) – 5 minutes.

And I can’t believe his wife puts up with it. Maybe I run a tighter ship around here or maybe I just married a smarter guy, but we are a partnership.

She needs to grow up and have a “come to Jesus” talk with him. Or, stop complaining and let him continue on.

~ getting off soapbox……now ~

[Reply]

By rjj on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

This is familiar….of course I have now been separated for 2 years, and the children notice that Dad seems ’so lonely’.
I still do all the chores, but not while someone else pursues their personal interests at the expense of my opportunity to have any.
Sad for the kids, but alot less arguing!

[Reply]

By Wil on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

If he can keep family peace by contributing only 30 minutes a day to household chores, I think he’s being kind of knuckleheaded to not do it.

If it is an activity he does alone, he can THINK about his writing. If it is an activity he can do with his wife, he can enjoy their time together. Either way, here is no loss in helping….

[Reply]

By Sandy L on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

A friend who has been married for 40+ years and still holds hands with his wife gave me this marriage advice and I’ve tried to follow it:

“Marriage is not about splitting things 50:50. If you go in with that expectation, you’ll be disappointed. BOTH people have to be prepared to give 80%, because there will be times when your spouse can only give 20% and you have to be okay with that.”

I wonder what would happen if Tim’s wife was only able to contribute 20%. Would he step up?
Is this chore thing temporary or permanent? Curious to know.

[Reply]

By Susan D. on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

It sounds like he gets to work his dream(hobby) of being a famous blogger and his wife gets crapped on. I’ll bet this is not the first “get rich” scheme he’s tried. His wife should dump him now because he has no respect for her and her menial tasks that are beneath him wasting his valuable time.

[Reply]

By Evan on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

I really think your first commenter said it best, 30 Mins is not a lot of time – it just isn’t.

That being said, I hardly help out around the house…just because I am lazy. I get called out on it all the time by The Wife, but I don’t blame it on time!
Evan´s last blog ..Advanced Charitable Giving using Life Insurance

[Reply]

By dp on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Why don’t we ever hear men complaining about how lazy their wife is?

I can tell you this- after working my own FT +1/2 PT job, coming home to cook, clean and take care of my son….if I’m doing it alone while hubby is off “doing his own thing”, he’ll be sleeping alone too!

[Reply]

By PookahBoss on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Tim might want to look at things from the cost of separation/divorce angle (note this is US-centric) to get a better idea of just what he’s risking:

* Therapy/counseling fees leading up to the divorce
* 50% of everything Tim has now
* 50% of everything Tim will have for the next 5+ years
* Child support payments until the kids are somewhere around age 18
* Losing the house/apartment
* Finding a new place to live
* Lawyer fees in the thousands
* Court fees in the thousands
* Loss of work time and income due to all of the above
* Decreased work efficiency for years while he gets his own life back together
* Increased medical bills from stress
* Still have to clean up his own mess

Or:

* 30 minutes a day cleaning up his own mess, plus some of the family’s mess.

The right thing to do seems pretty straight-forward to me, financially. And personally. And ethically. Really, is his side-business going to be so wildly profitable that it will pay for all of the above, and extra besides?

Tim might also want to consider picking one day out of the week where his wife gets a break from the household chores – and Tim does them instead. Driven, as I’m sure he is, to make all his jobs a success, I’m sure he could use a physical and mental break from the constant work-work-work.

There are very few people who can put in 90 hours a week on the same job(s) for months on end without a break (raising kids and keeping house is WORK). The chances that two of them married each other are, well, remote.

Good luck to Tim and Janice. I hope they work this out.

[Reply]

By Neal@Wealth Pilgrim on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Great thoughts. Looks like everyone is of agreement….Tim has to get his act together…pronto!

[Reply]

By Financial Samurai on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

Neal, your buddy is a lazy bum! lol. He should work on his blog AFTER his wife and kids have received their full attention.

11pm-2am is good blog time. Now tell him to help out with the house or face permanent resentment from a wife who works full time!

Best,

Sam
Financial Samurai´s last blog ..Tuition Hike For The Poor Is Like A Tax Hike For The Rich

[Reply]

By Financial Samurai on Dec 9, 2009 | Reply

What’s your buddies website btw?

Let’s check it out!
Financial Samurai´s last blog ..Book Review & Giveaway: “America, Welcome To The Poorhouse”

[Reply]

By Neal@Wealth Pilgrim on Dec 10, 2009 | Reply

Oh Sam….you don’t want me to do that….

[Reply]

By rgurien on Dec 11, 2009 | Reply

Your friend is a pig. And not just because he’s messy.

[Reply]

By Darwin's Finance on Dec 11, 2009 | Reply

I’ve been there. I worked nights, weekends and the same 90 hours he does now. I always at least pitched in and made sure my wife didn’t resent me.

Ask your buddy if he’ll have enough with all his blogging income to pay for his divorce and child support.

If he’s this obsessed with it now, it’s probably detracting from the time with his kids as well. He’s gotta check his priorities.

I do a bit here and there when the kids are around or the wife’s doing something in the house, but for the most part, it’s 10P-11:30 or so for me. Kids to bed 830. Time w wife/help in house til 10. then work.

I just sacrifice sleep to keep up with my demands.
Darwin’s Finance´s last blog ..Highest Saving Account Rates OnLine

[Reply]