Do you have trouble living up to the promises you’ve made to yourself?

I know I do sometimes.

At the moment, my personal stuggle is centered around food rather than money but the challenge is the same…right?

We promise ourselves that we won’t overspend, make risky investments or lend money to our brother-in-law. We promise ourselves that we’ll track our expenses…. and this time…..  we’ll keep up on it.  (Your particular promises might center on other financial issues but the mechanism is the same.)

Sometimes we do stick to our guns…but even then, it’s often short-lived.  And once we fall short (again) we create a problem for ourselves that dwarfs economic concerns.  When we don’t live up to our own expectations, we reinforce the idea that we are LOSERS.  That we can’t get it together.  That we keep trying and always end up failing.

That’s a terrible way to live and it also happens to be a lie. You and I….we’ve overcome challenges before.  We’ve perservered.  We’ve changed before.  We can do it again.

So, the question is, what worked in the past and how can we tap into that success formula now?

I’m no superman.  I still struggle. But like you, I have overcome some personal demons.  Here’s a checklist approach that I’ve used in the past.  It’s helped me and I think you’ll find it useful:

1.  Stop with the negative self-talk already.

This process of self-flagellation is just a shame factory.  Shame is just an excuse to do nothing and feel sorry for yourself.  It’s not going to help you get anywhere.  It doesn’t do anyone any good.  Just stop it.  It reinforces the wrong outcome.

2.  Don’t let anyone else turn the shame machine on for you.

OK.  Your past misdeeds may have caused others to suffer.  What’s done is done and you can’t undo it.

But the most important question to ask is “what’s the best thing I can do right now?”  If you allow yourself to be beaten up by somebody else, that’s going to reduce your ability to turn things around.  You’ve got to stop that negative flow – regardless of who it comes from.

Now, if your past financial behavior has hurt others, it’s only natural that they are going to have some resentments.  For example, let’s say you ran up huge credit card debts in the past.  Now, you and your spouse are saddled with these debts.  It’s understandable that your spouse might be angry. Wouldn’t you be?

But if you’ve committed to turning things around and are living up to those committments by taking action, that negativity is not helpful to anyone in any way.

Calmly explain what you are doing  to turn the situation around.  Explain the steps you are taking and how you plan to clean up and make amends for the past.  Tell them you understand how angry they feel but right now, that anger isn’t helping you clean things up.  If this doesn’t work, try my all-pupose argument ender:

Ask them what they think you should be doing that you currently are not doing.

If you think about it, that is a great question to ask.  If they come up with an idea, great.  Consider it.  Talk about it.  If it makes sense,  do it.

If they don’t come up with any ideas………they should just back off and let you get to work.  Either way, it’s a win-win and the needless arguing should stop.

It sounds great…right?  But I do have one piece of bad news….

It may not work immediately.

They might be so angry that they are running on pure emotions and the logic of the question may not sink in right away.

Still, it’s the best action I know of to take.  Acknowledge their feelings and move on.  Don’t expect this one conversation to completely turn them around.  Experience tells me you may have to repeat this speech a few times.  If somebody is angry, they may continue to vent and you might be the target. That’s OK.

When it happens, just remind them of what you are doing to rectify the situaion.  Don’t try to tell them they shouldn’t feel the way they do. They have a right to their feelings, it’s just that you have a right to set your boundaries too.

But just remember that if somebody continues to attack you while you do your very best to turn things around, it’s about them….not you. Don’t let someone else’s “issues” derail you.  Stay the course.  I know that it’s easier said than done, but you’ve got to let it go and continue doing the right thing.

3.  Be very clear on what the problem is.

Now that we’ve neurtalized the negative energy (coming form yourself and others), it’s time to get to work.

Are you in debt?  Do you overspend? Do you make poor investment choices?  What exactly is the problem?  Write it down.  You might have more than one financial problem.  That’s OK.  Write down all the aspects of your financial life that you are going to change.  Do not carry them around in your head.  Write them down.

4.  List all the possible solutions to the problems.

For example, let’s assume you are dealing with a debt problem.  What are all the possible solutions?

Don’t edit yourself at this point.

Don’t analyse the practicality of any of the ideas you came up with at this stage of the game.  You’ll sabotauge yourself if you do. Don’t do that now.  We are just brainstorming at this point.  Just jot down all the ideas you can come up with that might help resolve the issues.

Here are a few possible solutions to the debt problem:

a. You can get an additional  job.

b. You can get a different job.

c.You can create a budet at the start of the month and make sure you stay on track.

d. You can renegotiate the debt to try to get lower interest rates.

5.  Prioritize your action list.

You’ve brainstormed all the possible solutions – now it’s time to edit.

Rank each option by answering three questions:

a. If you do it, will it help solve the problem?   If the answer is “no”, cross it off your list.

b.  Can you do it quickly and/or easily?

c.  Will the results be immediate or will it take a long time to notice any benefit?

If something is easy to do and will yield quick results, do it first.  We’re looking for some “wins” here.

If something is easy to do but the results will be slow or not worth it, don’t  do it.

If something is hard to do but can yield good results, break it down and start working on it right away too.

For example, let’s say you come to the conclusion that you need to find a new career.  The results could be great but they won’t come overnight.  Create a list of actions you need to take in order to make the transition and take action on your list every day.

Tomorrow I’ll share the last 3 steps you need to take in order to achieve your financial resolutions.  Is there a preliminary step I’ve overlooked?  Have you used this type of approach in the past?  What are you struggling with now and do you think these 5 steps might help?

Like this article? You will love getting my free brilliant financial updates! No spam, and I won't give your email address to any other person or company. That's a personal promise. Neal Frankle, Certified Financial Planner, Los Angeles, California.

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