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Three Magic Words To “Manipulate” Your Spouse Into Total Financial Submission

By admin on Jun 4, 2009 in Family & Finance

Have you ever had a disagreement about money with your spouse?

Of course you have.

Here’s a technique you can use to make sure s/he always agrees with you from now on.

Imagine the following:

You and your spouse have a disagreement about money but you KNOW you are right.

After all the years of being on the wrong side of the argument you finally have no doubt. In fact, you are so convinced that your position is correct that you walk into the room and smile. You’re sure that your spouse will come around sooner or later….”it’s so obvious that even a four-year old would agree” you tell yourself.

But your better half isn’t four years old and s/he just isn’t buying it.

The more you try to “show them the error of their ways” the more they dig in.

Of course, you could resort to non-conventional weapons but that could take years and make a big mess.

Instead, I have three magic words that will turn your partner into putty every time.

In case you are wondering, they aren’t “Call My Lawyer”.

The words are “You Are Right”.

“What? Neal….You’ve got it all wrong….I’m the one who is right this time! He’s the one who is W-R-O-N-G!!! What are you some kind of blog-writing pansy? I’m not going to give in…I’ve waited years for this moment. Forget it!”

Hold on…before you fire off a heat-seeking email…….I’m not suggesting that you surrender or lie. I’m suggesting that you find something right about what your partner suggests. If you are married to (or with) a reasonable person, that shouldn’t be difficult.

Let’s see how this tactic operates in real life and then, decide if its for you or not.

My wife “prefers” that we buy new cars (rather than used) because they are more reliable and have lower (immediate) maintenance costs. Her basic concern is safety. She doesn’t want to get stuck on a freeway at 10 P.M. to change the alternator. Neither do I.

When it was time for us to buy a new car two years ago, I suggested that we buy a two-year old car with a very good reputation for reliability. I explained to her that it would save us thousands and thousands of dollars and it was a smart economic move. I explained depreciation and I even illustrated my points using interactive charts and graphs!

I couldn’t believe it. I showed her all my masterful data and support and it still didn’t work!

In her mind, used cars mean less safety. Since you can’t put a price on safety, she wasn’t interested in my genius idea.

Lucky for me, I had a flash of enlightenment at that moment and my “financial submission” tactic was born.

“You are right” I said,”safety is the number one priority.”

I really meant it and I wasn’t trying to get her to change her mind. She was right…safety is number one. I was being selfish and inconsiderate. By being open to her viewpoint, I stopped the arguing right there.

Of course that’s not the end of the story. After I told her she was right, I started thinking about ways we could satisfy both our requirements.

I suggested that if we took our budget and used it to buy a used car, we could buy a great one with enhanced safety features. That move would protect our family more (satisfying her requirements) and save us a fortune when it was time to resell it. (Since we would buy it second-hand, we wouldn’t own it during the first few years which are the most expensive in terms of depreciation.)

BINGO! I am now the owner of pre-owned Lexus. My dream car.

So even though my first inclination was to argue, I went against myself. I put myself in her shoes and as a result we both got what we wanted without arguing. Sweet……

Am I really suggesting that you use this tactic to manipulate anyone? No. Never.

I do suggest that you look for common ground. When you have a financial disagreement look for the wisdom in the other person’s position and try to find a way to satisfy their requirements. Find a way to tell the other party,”You are right”. Don’t lie about it and don’t just say it. Find a way that you can say it and mean it.

Once you do that, you’ll find the other person will be more inclined to find a way to say “You are right also.”

Have you ever tried this approach? How has it worked? Have you ever done something like this and have it backfire?

Do you have a better approach to solving financial disputes with your partner?

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1st Photo by Patrick Haney, Flikr

2nd Photo by MsAnthea, Flikr

3rd Photo by FootSlogger, Flikr

4th Photo by Foreign and Commonwealth’s Photo Stream

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