Recently, I received a response to a post that got my mind racing.  Here’s what Chuck wrote:

It can be emasculating to admit to your family that you cannot afford something, and that you must tighten the budget. (”Daddy can’t provide like your friends’ daddies can.”)

Yes.  It can be emasculating and I’m sure that women deal with this issue too (even thought I don’t know the word they’d use!.)

I’ve been grappling with this issue myself.

I spend a good amount of time writing.  I’m making almost no money doing it but I love it.  I started writing as a way to communicate with my clients but it’s quickly become much more.  A wider audience has developed and I am very grateful for that.

At some point, this blog will probably generate profits but even if it doesn’t it will be OK.  I simply love writing about this stuff.  It’s so cool to be able to connect with you and (hopefully) help.  It’s become a passion.

But it has a cost. I’m not marketing as much as I used to. I spend that time writing.  As a result, my business is growing more slowly than it probably could.  Do I owe it to my family to get back out there?

We are fortunate to be in a good situation with a strong business but my income is down from where it was a year ago. Shouldn’t I be out there beating the bushes?

Case in point.

I’ve written a great deal about the cost of sending kids to college.  We recently decided to send our middle daughter to a State college rather than NYU.  State college isn’t cheap but it’s nowhere near the cost of NYU.  On many levels, I feel terrific about this decision.  But a part of me still has reservations – as irrational as they may be.  I would have loved to have sent my kid to NYU if money wasn’t an issue.  Maybe if I was out there shaking the trees more, we could have sent her.  Should I feel bad about that? This is an honest question.  I don’t have an answer.  Maybe you do.

I feel like we have a responsibility both to our family and to ourselves.  Where is the balance?

When I think about how to answer this question, I’m reminded of a book I read a few years ago, “Pursuit of Happyness”. I might be the only one in America to say this, but I was disgusted by the story.  (I know everyone thinks the movie was fantastic but the book made me so angry I couldn’t even see the movie.)  Why was I so upset?

I’ll tell you why.  Despite the main character’s declarations of devotion to his children, he pursued his career at the expense of his family every chance he could.  He had the opportunity to take a salaried job as a pharmaceutical salesperson.  That job would have provided a stable income and a home for his family. He decided to pursue the big-time life of a stockbroker instead.  He chose the later even when he was faced with homelessness for himself and his son. I consider that a selfish choice despite the fact that it worked out well in the end….at least for the main character.

Thank G-d, my family is not faced with that.  My business is strong, my clients are taken care of and our bills are paid.  But I could be doing more.  So….because I can earn more for my family……should I?

Have you ever faced this kind of dilemma?  What was your process?  How did you decide what to do?  Were you happy with your decision or did you come to regret it? I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts on this.

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Photo 1 , Gret@lorenz

Photo 2,  hkoppdelaney

Photo 3, paraflyer

Like this article? You will love getting my free brilliant financial updates! No spam, and I won't give your email address to any other person or company.That's a personal promise. Neal Frankle, Certified Financial Planner, Los Angeles, California

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