Do marriage counselors provide money management advice?  Maybe they should.

According to MarriageAdvice.com 43% of all couples argue about moolah.   Usually, it involves one spouse being a more conservative investor than the other.

Sue and Chris provide a wonderful example.   This is a hard-working couple in their mid 30’s who could not stop fighting about money.   Sue was a big risk taker – she loved to take flyers on speculative stocks.  Chris, on the other hand was terrified of any investment that wasn’t FDIC insured.  The dispute threatened their marriage.  What steps could they take to bridge this gulf ?  What can you do if you find yourself in a similar situation?

1.  Give the risk-taker mad money to play with.

The amount should be reasonable and mutually agreed upon.  It should be amount that both are comfortable losing completely.   Both spouses should agree that no more than this amount will be made available.  That means if the Risky Rich losses the dough, that’s it.  Game over.  If the aggressive strategy works, both parties benefit.  If it does not, its possible that the more aggressive spouse will have learned a lesson and be willing to take a more realistic approach to investing.

2. If You Are The Conservative Cathy, Educate yourself

If you are the conservative partner whose idea of a good investment is the mattress or backyard, its time to face facts.  Your partner is right when he says you need to grow your money.  As painful as the current investment climate is,  the reality is that if you have long-term goals, you need to have long-term investments.  Here is a great article on having a long-term perspective.   I know it does not feel good now.  But think about it.  Your partner is taking too much risk, right?  You’re asking your partner to face reality.  Shouldn’t your partner be able to ask them same from you?

3.  If all else fails, split the assets – not the marriage.

If you can’t see eye to eye after considering the first two steps, split assets up and manage the money as each sees fit.  One way to do this is by allowing each spouse to manage their own retirement accounts.  The most important ingredient for success here is making sure that each partner agrees that they will not interfere with the other.  The  “non-proliferation” agreement  is the important element for success here.  And no kidding, it might be good to get this agreement in writing.

My experience is that if you have a mutually agreed upon financial plan and stick to it, these fights won’t  materialize.    Create your own plan or meet with your adviser to hammer this out.   If you start from a position of being crystal clear on what your mutual goals are, over what time period and what’s most important about money to you,  you’ll find it an easier exercise.

What about you?  What is your secret?  What tips can you share to help us avoid the financial fights?

Like this article? You will love getting my free brilliant financial updates! No spam, and I won't give your email address to any other person or company.That's a personal promise. Neal Frankle, Certified Financial Planner, Los Angeles, California

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